are you so shy because you have an std?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
