Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
