Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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