Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
