I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He had one of those small greek statue penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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