Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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