Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
