I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my poor anus
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
