i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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