Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
