i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
