did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
