I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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