i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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