So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
