real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
