I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
