i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
