i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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