Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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