THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
