Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
