she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
