im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
