where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
