I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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