guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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