I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
