Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
