Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
