none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
