dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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