I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
