So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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