Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
