WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
