I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
