I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
