fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
