that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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