Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You can't just leave with hair like that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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