One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
