she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
