so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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