After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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