Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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