I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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