Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
