wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
