Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
