don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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