idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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