is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
