You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
