the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
