I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
