"it" just moved
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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