the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
