So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
