That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
