hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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