im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
